Aug 268 min read

Part III: Strays - Days of Being Kao

ภาคสาม: จร

Jul 22

“You can’t throw it away if you want,” she said while giving me a collage work.

“I won’t because I already threw it once,” this is what exactly I said in Thai.

“What??”

“Nothing, I just talked nonsense like, you know, I’ve always done.”

It wasn’t a thing I threw away from my life, but a person. I took her for granted that time.

Fucking genius, Peerachai.

…..

Aug 30

May the end of the horizon say my adieu,

In the stream of time let our memories be blurred.

Double rainbow again

…..

porrorchor's Sa(loni)ca

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Sep 18

Didn’t know before that The Bear could be a good ice-breaker topic to talk about with a new flatmate.

…..

Sep 27

I started to catch my last train of being a teenager.

…..

Sep 28

A fucking day

Morning: meeting some teen dickheads mocking my jogging

Afternoon: laptop went down

Also afternoon: an AUTH computer screen fucking with me

Evening: an IMAX screening of The Creator got canceled

Night: dental floss stuck in my teeth

…

Oct 4

Two weeks in a row of catching my last train of teenage days was really enough. I need a proper sleep.

Don’t say forever, Paraskepyi (did I transliterate her name right? Beautiful name by the way). Just five-six years of doing what you’ve done is more than enough. Everything has its time.

…

Oct 16

I’d never felt sick of masculinity this much until I moved here.

This afternoon, I saw a guy (seemingly) trying to reconcile with his girlfriend while the young lady was studying. This was an example of stinking-fucking-dick mentality of men.

Could I jump to conclusion? The toxic masculinity may come from jealousy (or rather sense of procession, as p’ M. proposed), and the toxic femininity derived from envy. That’s what I’ve observed.

Anyhow, I felt a bit relieved tonight despite a bit of sadness inside. Guess it’s about time.

But the door will be open, as always.

No need to run if you need my shoulders.

…

Oct 17

What a day.

Destiny is bitterly fun.

…..

Oct 18

You can’t (always) solve everyone’s problems, Pete.

…..

“I love you.”

“That’s nice.”

(Sex Education, S3 EP6)

Crime scene

.....

Θέε μου, the timing was so fucking sitcom-alike. When I came back home, ready to hit the bed after a big humiliation, some Greeks just texted me if I wanted to hang out. What the hell, maybe I needed this.

Later that unfortunate night in AUTh

…..

Oct 27

A tip to rent a car in Greece: just fucking buy an extra insurance.

I visited Kavala during this holiday by driving (I had to since I’d have to drive for my parents all over Greece during the New Year’s Eve). Today I went to Philippi, the first Christian city built by the pop of Alexander. And then had lunch at Iranleitki and sat there reading for three hours. The breeze was super. Then, out of nowhere, this idea of going hiking came to me, and I did. Scared as shit, and it was totally worth it. Got a wheel plastic cover some scratches, fuck, what could be a fine?

Purely out of curiosity, I booked a table at a hotel in the old town to see what a fancy meal here would be like. The view was killer, and it could be more beautiful if there had been another person sitting besides (just kidding, but I’d like one anyway). The staff was nice but… a bit too informal? I’m not a man with snobbish manners, but they were too close. That wasn’t a big deal. They were not trying to explain much about the plates, hmm, okay. All were delicious, I admit, but they lacked some sort of delicacy and fineness as I’d expected. So, I drew a conclusion that fine dining here is not as delicate and well-presented, at least as in France or in Thailand.

General things in Kavala

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Oct 28

Never gone on a solo trip and felt this lonely before.

The most fantastic and frightening hiking in my life. I did it alone at 18:00 and I met a motorcyclist who was around riding his bike pointlessly. Luckily nothing happened.

…..

Oct 30

My brand is honesty.

I was ready to take the consequences of my reckless driving. Got to the car rental company and admitted that I’d done some damage. The employees were surprised, not because of the fact that I got some scratches, but of the fact that I went there to tell them what I’d done. Then they were smiling at me, one of them even shook my hand and said “Thank you, you’re an honest person”. WTF. Not a single reproche? “We won’t charge you for anything,” the other insisted to me after I’d repeatedly asked them whether I had to pay for any damage I’d caused. “It happens, it’s just on the plastic wheel”.

Wow, nice nice.

…..

Some excursions with my colleagues

.....

Nov 1

And today finally arrived.

The day I woke up for a jog at six in the morning just to come across her who just came back home, heading to bed.

“We are so different, and the universe just put us here to be flatmates,” I said to Miss Earrings when we were hanging out at the balcony the other night.

“Yeah, so I’d be more organized, and you’d hang out late at night,” she laughed.

“You already brought me to parties, haha.”

By the way, what kind of girl would out of nowhere ask a straight, clueless, dumb man to help her wear earrings?

…..

Nov 3

Sometimes honesty doesn’t work, especially when it's not reciprocated.

…..

Nov 5

“Can you get over her now, it’s just two weeks?”

Fuck, that was a pretty big slap to my face. But I totally deserved that.

You’d definitely be a good lawyer. It was a strong argument.

Bad move, bad time, bad Pete. Always bad.

A pleasant screening before some poignant words

…..

Nov 6

Good morning, sweet dreams.

….

I am really happy for you, it’s about time for you as well.

…..

Nov 9

I was so fucking late for a date that the girl, somehow riding a bike to my room at 4th floor, knocked the window at the balcony and asked me what the fuck I was doing.

That really was a nightmare, but it got no worse than my actual life. Woke up with a fright at 6. Heard the door closed and the light on, at this time again. Sweet dreams, girl.

…..

Nov 11

Ronjeh's wisdom of the day

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Nov 12

“If you don’t put yourself in social activities, then how can you know to be less people-pleaser?”

Hm, that’s true. But when I said no, you just kept convincing me to hang out more.

Just kidding, you’ve made a good point.

Keeping myself in awkward situations can be another good life lesson.

This was the first time someone called me a “chatty” person. I’d doubted that at first, but I made some reflections on myself and found that she was right. I’m not definitely a talkative person. I just like asking (good) questions and listening to people. That was my job anyway.

Should I say I also love deep discussion? Maybe. Especially in bed.

Man, a good talk makes life and sex and sex life more meaningful. The problem is I can’t find something that meaningful for a while. Damit.

I’m aware that my observational behavior could be creepy if used wrong.

…..

Nov 14

Another problem: I have trust issues, and that’s also why I don’t have courage to go out often.

I don’t even believe in myself. Many times I do stupid things that I end up letting myself down.

…..

Nov 17

Tonight there was a protest on occasion of the 50th anniversary of the polytechnic student uprising. I’d avoided tear gas for the past three years in Thai and French protests, but I couldn’t this time. The gas wasn’t serious though as the police threw it quite some time before I left the bookshop. The effect lasted only two minutes, I could still bike back to the flat with tears and saliva all over my face.

Maybe that was a good thing happening to me. I tried to cry lately but I couldn’t do it.

Yet he still could smile.

…..

Nov 19

Many Greek people I’ve met are genuinely generous.

Last week, I had the owner at the clothes repairing shop put a button back on my shirt, and she didn’t ask me to pay.

On Tuesday, the chain of my bicycle was loose and I panicked as I was going to uni, a man helped me voluntarily.

Yesterday, I asked an employee at a bookstore to wrap an empty box for me so that I could decorate the flat (I have no skills at wrapping at all). She was confused why the fuck I had such a request, but she did it anyway, When I asked to pay, it was free.

Last night, I went to Brooklyn Cafe, which has already become my favorite steki (στέκι), and enjoyed my drink while talking to the locals and listening to their talking. Didn’t understand most of the conversation in Greek, obviously. But basically, it felt good. I’d never had anything like this in Strasbourg, or even in Bangkok. I used to go to Doc Club often, it was my favorite as well, yet I never had discussions with its bartenders or staff.

Στέκι μου

…..

Nov 20

“A time we intend to waste is not a wasted time.”

“Just know and be aware of yourself.”

“Prepare yourself for consequences from your moves.”

…..

Nov 22

Agh, that same freaking guy who’d annoyingly cuddled a girl in the library.

But this time she didn't seem irritated.

……

Nov 24

The joke got real.

I unofficially finished my thesis!

Agh again, the same guy sat on the other side of the table.

…..

Random things and places

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Nov 29

It was my honor to be cursed μαλάκα (malaka) by a Greek for the first time because I tried to double the car stuck in traffic, but I couldn’t.

…..

Dec 5~6

I’ve always been ashamed when someone asks me how many languages I can speak. I’d correct them to ask me how many languages I know.

I didn’t think I mastered any of them, but I’ve realized that my language is action.

You helped me find my language.

.....

Norvegien movies best depict beautiful losers.

…..

Dec 8

Venn

Takk

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Dec 13

My studying on Alexakis’ La Langue maternelle just coincides with my recent (re)discovery of Thai songs, my “mother tongue”. I think our music is very diverse in terms of styles, genres and messages. If more people could understand Thai, they might perceive how rich the language is.

However, there are some Thai songs whose English translations still retain the ideas and the styles. For instance, Along the Way (Tilly Bird ft. Palmy) and Same Page? (Tilly Bird).

Young-mee (ยังมี - Still having) has lately reflected my life well. A pretty old song. It’s one of the best songs I’ve listened to. Its message could falsely be interpreted in a creepy way these days as it talks about an “invisible” person who cares about his loved one. But it’s not the case. I tried to translate some of the lyrics :

When your dreams are fulfilled, just want you to know I’ll congratulate you in my silence.

When you are let down, I’ll still be there.

Even though you cannot see me, please know you’re still having…

How to write a song about it without saying the word? That’s genius.

…..

My actions also speak louder than that word, although she may not notice them at all.

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Dec 16

You’ve made me feel everything again, and I appreciate it.

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Dec 17

I really care about you.

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Dec 21

The Christmas card-making event with ESN and Μιλάμε για τον αυτισμό (Let's talk about Autism) group was really lovely tonight! So glad I could make it after a long day.

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Dec 24

Made a Thai Xmas eve at home with Juan today. My cooking is just getting better and better.

And with The Lord of the Grill apron, I feel myself sexier.